Make the most of NOW!
What I wish I'd done differently now that my kids are older.
A friend of mine that has young children asked me a thought-provoking question. “Now that your kids are older, is there anything you wish you had done differently?” I answered her with my #1 response (below) right away. We discussed it for a while, and then moved on to other topics. However, I thought about her question all night long, all the next day, and for weeks after. I kept writing down more answers and thoughts about this subject. Going down memory lane can be fun, but also depressing. I love my kids with all my heart! Always have and always will. But, some of these thoughts made me wish I could do it all over again, better. Well, I can’t have a “do over”, so I pray God erases all my bad mommy moments from my kids’ minds. Especially the time when I screamed bloody murder once (louder than them) just to get their attention and make them stop arguing. Good grief, did I really do that? They looked at me like I was insane. Honestly, at that moment I thought I was headed in that direction if the bickering had continued. Live and learn, right? Act out and then pray for forgiveness, right? Or… should I have been perfect and done it all right from the start? Is anyone perfect among us? NO!
Perhaps that’s why a large majority of parents enjoy being grandparents so much. They learned through experience to exist and participate more in each moment, take advantage of the time, enjoy each phase of the child’s life, and have fun with it. Maybe being a grandparent is Gods way of giving us a “do over” after we’ve learned the hard way. Of course after a fun filled day with their grandchild, they get to give the kid back to the parents and go home to their quiet peace filled home and rest.
Regardless of how old my kids get I pray I can still be an example to them, cheer them on toward good choices, and show them my unconditional love.
So, if I could raise my kids over again, this is what I’d do differently.
1. Enjoy every phase, participate in every moment, and don’t complain:
In Exodus and Numbers, there are numerous accounts of the Israelites complaining amongst themselves. Poor Moses spent so much time listening to their wailing and complaining it actually kept him from completing his other more important work! I believe nothing good comes from complaining and you end up missing out on the good stuff. Not only that…. It hinders your relationship with God. Moses took his complaining directly to God and God handled his problems for him. The Israelites complained to each other and God looked negatively on them.
In all reality, we’re human and we’re going to be unhappy about certain situations. Stop and think about where your frustration is coming from though. Typically, it’s that we’re thinking about what we DON’T have instead of realizing what we DO have. Instead of grumbling, pray to God who can comfort you, show you the way, and do something about the real wrongs in your life!
Numbers 11:1 Now when the people complained, it displeased the Lord; for the Lord heard it, and His anger was aroused. (NKJV)
Philippians 2:14-16 Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life – in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing.
2. Understand my role and purpose along the way:
Wife, Mom, Home, Work, Ministry….. How many different roles do we ladies have? Too many at times. Prioritizing and keeping my responsibilities in proper order would’ve been wonderful! Instead of rushing through things, anxiously awaiting the next season of life and hoping for something better, I wish I would have embraced my role and appreciated it. Easier said than done perhaps. I don’t think I’m alone here though. I think I was like most young mothers; I put myself down a lot. I saw Suzy Homemaker do things better than me and I felt discouraged, not quite up to par, unworthy, unqualified, and the list goes on. It’s detrimental what “stinkin thinkin” will do to a person. (This is probably one of my most favorite topics, so you can expect to hear more about this from me in the future.) I fought through negativity to be a positive person and teach my kids to do the same. I fought to find out what I was truly good at, discovered my purpose, and began to make the most of the skills and talents I have. It took me years to appreciate those individual qualities that God has given me. It’s a long process and still continues. I now realize God’s design of equipping us to do His work. We are to receive blessing, satisfaction, and fulfillment, and in the end, God is glorified. Win-Win! It’s a beautiful thing!
Psalm 25:4 Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.
1 Thessalonians 5:16 Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.
3. Don't neglect your abs! Make more time for exercise and health:
My daughter has heard me preach to her on this subject. It’s so important, especially when it comes time for her to be a mom herself. I am in no way shape or form (pun intended) an expert on this topic. Unfortunately, I’ve learned the hard way through experience. I didn’t take great care of myself in my 20’s and 30’s. Once I realized I needed to take action it was extremely difficult. It still is, but, it’s never too late to get started! There’s always time to move! I have a great appreciation for exercise now. Yes, there are times I just simply don’t feel like working out. However, I purposely schedule it into my calendar to hold myself accountable. It’s a struggle to get started sometimes but; I always feel fantastic when I’m finished with a workout. The inside and the outside of my body reap the benefits. Not only is it good for my physique, it’s good for my heart and mind too. The older I get, the more forgetful I get. Honestly, I’d rather gain weight than lose my mind. Persevering physically motivates me to do the same for my mind. I desire to take the best care of every part of my body so I can be mobile and useful well into my old age. This challenges me spiritually as well. (Yes, I’m going to throw that in there too.) Our health is a serious matter. Spiritual warfare is even more serious. (More about this in another blog post) I never want to become sluggish in any of these areas because they are of extreme significance and require self-discipline. It’s a constant battle for me, but it’s the type of person I want to be. Therefore, I plan to continue exercising and attempt to try to make it fun and enjoyable. It can be quality family time or part of date time even. Exercise is never a mistake in my mind.
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.
1 Timothy 4:8 For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.
I Corinthians 9:24-25 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.
4. Make more time for my husband, prepare for it, with a good attitude:
You know what I’m talking about. That’s all I have to say about that.
Just kidding. Sure, intimacy is a very important part of marriage, but he needs your attention even when the kids are awake too! It’s good for your kids to see the effort you make toward putting your husband’s needs ahead of theirs. Priorities can change due to deadlines and such, but you get the idea of what I’m saying. Also keep in mind, that your tone of voice and body language tells a bigger story than what you might think. Don’t huff and puff when he calls to tell you he’s on his way home even though you’re in the middle of making dinner with raw chicken all over your hands. Don’t roll your eyes when he calls you from another room requesting your immediate attention and assistance with something. Trust me, your kids see your attitude more than your actions.
There is so much more to this subject. I could write an entire book about it, and I just might someday. I encourage you to read more from God’s word and other helpful books that will teach you how to love your husband the way he needs you to. Husbands and wives need constant encouragement in marriage. It’s a full time job and doesn’t get easier after the honeymoon or children. Both need to invest in each other, show mutual respect and love to one another. It’s never a one sided situation. It’s a team project that requires effort and a good attitude.
Colossians 3:18-19 Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.
Ephesians 5:21-23 Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.
Proverbs 31:10-11 A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
5. Read more books and seek counsel on raising kids:
We spend years in school, college, trade school, etc. Why are there no classes required to be a parent? I naturally love self-help books, but parenting books are typically so big and wordy! Who has time for that? We need a quick go-to resource. (B.I.B.L.E.) Again, I encourage you to find time to read and learn good information and then apply it to your everyday life. Additionally, you can find an older, wiser couple that can speak from experience to mentor you. You will benefit and so will your family. It’s a win-win-win! I could tell you good and bad stories of our family. One thing I feel is so important is honest communication. If you made a mistake, don’t hesitate to apologize, explain, and apply God’s word. If your instruction or discipline is correct and necessary, don’t hesitate to explain and apply God’s word. Your children will recognize very quickly it’s best to do the right thing and choose God’s way versus a sinful way. Now, we’re all human and sometimes our flesh wins the battle. Just try to look at every instance as an opportunity to lovingly teach, instruct, and most importantly forgive. Leading by example is another major area of importance. If you are not following Gods word or practicing what you preach, but yet, spouting off instruction to your kids that you yourself ignore - guess what? Your kids will ignore you and your instruction. We all need God’s word equally.
Colossians 3:20-21 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
Ephesians 6:1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother – which is the first commandment with a promise – that it may go well with you and that your may enjoy long life on the earth. Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.
Psalm 119:9-11 How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
6. Pray more with my kids, husband, and as a family:
I prayed with them more when they were younger. As they got older I wish it hadn’t decreased. “They know how to pray, and can handle it on their own”….. is not a good excuse! I do realize that prayer, for some, is a very personal and private matter. Some don’t like praying in front of other people and would prefer their prayers remain between themselves and God. I get it. I’m moody with my prayers actually. Sometimes I’m private and other times I feel a strong urge to pray out loud with my family; whether it’s for a specific request or sincere gratitude to our Heavenly Father. We’re all unique and God knows our heart. We’re not robots and so there’s not a cookie cutter way to do this. I just encourage you to seek God’s will in this area and follow His leading.
Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
7. Decorate more during holidays (Without complaining):
Tradition + memories = good times! We often say, “Oh, but I don’t want to have to clean it up!” I should’ve just left my artificial Christmas tree up all year long and changed the decorations on it for the next holiday coming up. Years and years ago my mom and I did that once. We had it all decorated for Valentines Day, and then we couldn’t take it any longer and disassembled it just prior to St. Patrick’s Day. What a great memory. I still chuckle over this!
8. Take more pictures:
I absolutely love to look back through pictures now. I wish I had taken the time to organize all of my prints and put them into photo albums. Holding a printed picture in your hand and staring at it and remembering the sound of their laughs at that moment is heartwarming! It’s far better than an electronic picture on a computer screen (in my opinion). To each their own I guess. I’m pretty sure there isn’t a scripture in the bible requiring you to take a picture. J But, there’s certainly nothing wrong with creating great memories!
9. Invest in a better facial care, regime:
Time is not a good friend. Even if you think you’re hot-to-trot in your 20’s, the wrinkles sneak in on you before you realize it. I really don’t have a bunch of scripture to share with you on this specific topic. This just happens to be a personal thought, regret, and desire. I believe it’s a good thing though to ‘keep yourself up.’ You’ll feel better about yourself and your husband will appreciate it too! It is natural for a woman to want to look good for her husband. However, keeping this all in proper perspective is important. Beauty is not the most important thing.
Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
Song of Solomon 6:4 You are beautiful, my darling, as Tirzah, lovely as Jerusalem, majestic as troops with banners. Solomon continues in 6:4 - 7:9 to praise his brides beauty. If your husband can appreciate and desire your beauty like this….. doesn’t that make you want to keep it that way? Although the bible does say to treat your body as God’s temple, it’s not a biblical requirement that a wife keep herself up. For the sake of your husband, your marriage, and your precious intimacy, you should try to do your best.
10. Be prepared for when the kids leave:
Perhaps I should’ve started my own hobbies and interests earlier and even let my kids participate and witness their mom working towards something good. It's important for kids to know their Mom is human with dreams and a purpose from God. I’m just starting mine now. My kids are interested in what I’m doing, encouraging me, and proud of me. It almost feels backwards, but it’s really nice. It’s never too late to start.
My son is still at home, but will be headed off to college in a year and a half. I’m preparing now for that. I’ll have to keep my mind and my heart occupied! Just thinking about sending him off into the world makes my heart hurt and I miss him….. and he’s not even gone yet!
The following verse in Ephesians gives me a great peace and hope for my future without having my kids at home with me. I believe that as a Christian, I have a huge family in the church body; I’m not alone. Thinking about this verse; it’s difficult to imagine how much God loves you and me. With God as my example, whether my kids are home or away, busy or talking with me over the phone, I will love them. I believe that God will fill every area of my life to complete fullness regardless of my ups and downs each day. I am confident of this through faith in Jesus Christ.
Ephesians 3:14-19 For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
11. Practice what you preach:
In a nutshell, be a good example. It’s difficult to do because your little ones watch your every move, even more than you think. It’s so easy to slip up because, well, we’re human!
Quite a few years back, my kids and I had stopped at a Chipotle for lunch. We were sitting outside on the patio. I told the kids not to throw the crunched up chips over
to the birds because we shouldn’t disturb the other people sitting out there with us. Well, a few people had left and I thought it would be safe to toss just a few tiny chips over to the super cute birds begging for a treat. So I did. My son immediately said, “Practice what you preach!” Uh Oh! He got me! I couldn’t argue with that.
I’ve had to practice a few of my mantras as well. I always told my kids on their way into school, “Put a smile on your face and a good attitude in your heart!” Sometimes, I had to force myself to do this as well. I believe that even if you don’t feel great about it at first, joy always prevails!
Psalm 27:11 Teach me your way, O Lord: lead me in a straight path because of my oppressors.
12. Play more games the kids want to play:
I miss hotwheels and mudpies. The one activity my daughter was obsessed with for a while, and I could hardly tolerate, was making dough out of flour and…. I don’t even know what else she put in it. All I know is, it made an absolute mess! The dough was basically glue and it ruined almost every bowl she used. She tried to clean up after herself, but I would have to clean up after her. But you know what? She loved it and I miss her excitement to play with something right in front of me. She also loved to boil a whole potato and she thought she was a chef. So cute!
I can’t turn back time and I can’t erase any of the regrettable moments. What I can do though, is be thankful for the time we have together as a family. I can ask for forgiveness. I can have the best intentions and pray for God to see them through. I can ask God to fill me with His spirit so I can love my kids as He wants me to. I can make as many good investments into my kids as possible. I can invite God to our family and pray that He leads us down the path of righteousness. I can forget about the past and work diligently toward the future. I can look forward to many more wonderful times together and take more pictures!
Take Action! Practical Steps to help you to make the most of NOW
I always encourage journaling. Sometimes, when we write things out…. we hear our inner voice better. If you’re right, great! If you’re being a whiney baby, then guess what; you’ll notice and hopefully take the right action to snap yourself out of it.
Spend time reading God’s word and praying. Pray that God will teach, direct, and sustain you on your current path as He leads and guides you to the next path!
Participate, but be patient, don’t rush. Wait and listen for God; it’s His plan and His timing.